Sorry about the dogs Bird, I lost a fine one during the last year also. I thought I bought a lot of planes, 900 pounds of them, mostly apart but you win hands down. There are about 250 of them and have only managed to put about 20 together. There is always another day. 
Ha! Those are just the WOODEN planes.... didn't take any pictures of all the metal ones (probably around 4-500?) .... o lord, what a mess I've made!!! At least I haven't made a mess out of my life. HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!! If it weren't for the word "mess" I don't know how I'd describe anything in or having to do with my life. Oh, papaw, it's right kind of you to say I'm not actually upside down (in picture), but I'm about as upside down as you can get without being right side up again. O well, supposedly you can clean up a mess, so... there's that. Except that I don't know how to clean. Yes, I've always managed to pawn laundry, ironing (which my neighbors do for me.... just chef coats that need to be ironed), and cleaning, in general, off on someone else. It's one of the few talents I have.... making other persons clean and do my laundry for me..... maybe even grab some old sap that will mow my lawn... if I'm lucky."Poor Jenny, the lawn is 30 inches tall, I guess I'll load up the tractor and make a trip over there." I have cooking to thank for that. "I'll cook all the food if"...… you clean ,do the laundry..... Hey, it always helped me to get out of chores with mom and dad as a kid.I never had to do laundry, "mom, if I cook supper can you do the laundry?" There was never a problem with that. I'm smart enough to bargain that" cooking thing" against anything else.
Now, if you find yourself living with a guy or a gal that can cook..... well, I'm screwed.
That means I have to move on to "plan B." I have to rely on other bribes.... what can I fix for you? That table looks a little off kilter. You know, those pipes going into the lawn shouldn't be corrugated plastic, you really should replace those with PVC... Those maple roots will take over every thing! I swear they will! And there's always the reliable last ditch effort : "You know, those gutters need to be cleaned out, maybe even replaced."
I hold that gutter card for emergency situations.
There are plenty of other ruses, not enough gravel, lawn graded wrong, wiring too old, pipes will start to leak, that flashing in the chimney needs to be replaced, you could use a new floor, how about building a deck?, everything looks like it needs to be stained, a few boards replaced, I can fix that creak in the floor board, I noticed your toilet keeps running, the faucet is leaking, I noticed you don't have any outdoor furniture to go with that nice deck..... I can make you some, those shelves on the wall will come down at any moment, they're not supported right. Whewwww, let me take a breath. Those kitchen counters are awfully old, they look awful. Maybe you should get a garbage disposal, "no, don't have lowes come and do it! They aren't reliable" Haven't you always wanted an "island" in your kitchen? What if it was made out of all local hardwoods? That piano will sound a lot better if it's 2 inches off of the hardwood floor. If you let me build a stand for that guitar or banjo, it won't suffer so much abuse. You should really have a step stool to get up to that top shelf. … I can make that for you. I noticed all of those blankets stacked up in the corner, you could really use a blanket chest.... I'll make it for you cheap!
Maybe if I got up into a crawl space or attic, I could stomp hard enough that persons might actually think the sky is falling. That's a bit risky.... have to have the right amount of "stomp" to have some drywall fall out, but not have your boot go through into someone's beautiful living room. But, while I'm at it, some pull down stairs / ladder would sure make it easier for you to go up and down from there.
You should get a new computer, tv, phone, and stereo that all work off of the same thing.... HA, just seeing if anyone is still reading this! I'm the guru of technology!
Well, the long and long of that is that I wouldn't say any of that stuff to anyone.... unless they deserved being cheated out of a few dollars :) (or, if it was true) But, it's fun to dream about all of the things you COULD say!
Man, maybe I should have sold cars... those folks are great at lying and coming up with every weird answer in the book. OK, now I feel bad. If anyone sells cars, please don't take it personally.
I guess I should explain myself to those that don't know me. I've been cooking in restaurants since I was fifteen years old (begged this great chef to let me work there for free). I've been catering for about 25 years. I'm 41, 42, or 43... I can't ever remember my age. I did go to college. I got a degree in both English and History. Those have served me well.... if you count knowing a whole lot of stuff that doesn't precipitate in a job. WELLLLL after that, I went back to another college---- Johnson and Wales. During my time attending that school, I also worked at a restaurant. Then, big surprise, I worked at some more restaurants. I'm proud of some of them I have worked out. But, I can just imagine my dad...…" you got an English and History major and you're doing the same thing that you were when you were fifteen years old?". In my defense, I told him all I wanted to do is cook from about the age of 6 years old or so..... his mistake, not mine!
So, long and long of that is that the only "official" jobs I've ever had were jobs in a kitchen. … that's the whole "chef" thing that's supposed to get me out of other chores.
After going completely insane in the restaurant industry, I quit. I moved on to refinishing, fixing , and building furniture. And now have made another wise decision to buy thousands of tools in order to sell them and make a profit. Boy, dad must have a lot of patience and love when it comes to his daughter!!!!
All the same, I wouldn't change what I'm doing right now.... tools and woodworking. Who could ask for anything more? …. unless you can win the lottery
"Dad, you were the one that told me I had to go to college..... bet you wish you never said that!"
